who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
