he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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