How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
