We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
