We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
