you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
