She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
