I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
