VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
