How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Fuck appropriateness.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
