just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
