the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
