I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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