he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
