Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
