The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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