Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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