I feel like I'm in dance class right now
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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