Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
