I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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