I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
