fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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