I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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