"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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