I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
