Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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