my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
