I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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