dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
