did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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