He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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