i jhust puked up my retainher.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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