i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
