Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
