Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
