There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
