we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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