how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
