It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
