so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
