FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
