I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
