i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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