I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
