And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's the barista slut.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
