I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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