I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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