So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
