arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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