Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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