I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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