Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
